Olympic Fighting Words

From the official Olympic Security English handbook comes a lesson on "Frighting." That is not a typo, they actually have two lessons for frighting. Oddly enough, the scenario appears to involve a fight and not a fright. In lesson 13 (pages 143-48), the scene is set up as an interrogation into the cause of a bar fight (there is no lesson on breaking up a fight or calming a situation that could lead to one). This is the lesson of "Frighting (1)" which I had to teach to the class of police. I had to alter it significantly so it would be useful for future reference.

Police: You've hit and injured another person, you know.
Foreigner: He's also hit and injured me.
Police: He's been injured very seriously and taken to the hospital.
Foreigner: It's unfair! Why are you only questioning me?
Police: We'll question him when he comes to.... How did you come to fight with him?
Foreigner: I couldn't bear his insult!
...
Police: Why did you fight with him this time?
Foreigner: Because he took too many liberties with my girl friend.
Police: Did you try to keep away from him?
Foreigner: Yes. At first, we kept away from him, but not very far.
Police: Why didn't you leave the bar?
Foreigner: Who could tell that he was so impudent? Not long afterwards, he came close to my girl friend and held her in his arms!
Police: Did your girl friend resist him?
Foreigner: Of course she did. She tried hard to push him away. But he was very rude to her. He even kissed her by force. What a rascal!
Police: Did you try to stop him?
Foreigner: Yes, I did. I tried to push him aside.
Police: Did you succeed?
Foreigner: No. On the contrary, he hit me in the face with his fist.
Police: Why didn't you call the police at once?
Foreigner: I was very angry. How could I stand such an insult? I hit him on the head with a bottle.
Police: As a result, you wounded his head.

The conversation continues with some boring details after this point. What I'd like to know is, who actually speaks like this? I told the class that no one would ever use the word rascal, but if they did find someone who said this they were to contact me immediately so I could meet this person.

Read part 1 and part 2 of this series.

Friday's Alphabet

A new candy store opened a few weeks ago near Haiya Baihuo here in Nanshan. It seems they took it upon themselves to change the alphabet. When I first saw this sign, I thought it said "SWTET," but a friend pointed out that it looks like the letter is a cross between a T and an E (and possibly an F).
Recently, I've come across a few articles that discuss the changes of English language due to the rise of foreign learners. Most of the mangling of English (as if it were truly possible to mangle a bastardized language) comes from China, Singapore, Japan, and Korea. It seems some believe that English will continue to evolve into some language that we native speakers won't recognize or, possibly, comprehend.

As I've read such articles about language, and witnessed the Chinglish translations, I've started thinking about a former teacher's book. Back in grad school, I had class with Bobbie Louise Hawkins, author of "My Own Alphabet." While not a mangling of language, it is an amusing read that makes a lot more sense than "You and I altogether do afforest the bodyguard."

Olympic Communications

Last year I had the opportunity to teach English to 40 police officers in Bao'an district. This was the entire foreign affairs department of the district's public security bureau. The training center's staff was instructed to teach from Olympic Security English by Wang Sheng'an. This is apparently the official handbook for China's police to learn English.

The small textbook covers topics ranging from lost tourists and missing property to natural disasters and terrorist attacks. Unfortunately, I found it rather lacking.

The book is filled with out-dated English and rather dull dialogues. One of the major problems I found was that all the foreigners in the situations were extremely honest idiots--they easily broke down and confessed their crimes.

One of my favorites is the chapter on "How to Stop Illegal New Coverage". You can make your own judgments about press freedom. Here's the dialogue (pages 20-22):

Police: Excuse me, sir. Stop, please.
Reporter: Why?
Police: Are you gathering news here?
Reporter: Yes.
Police: About what?
Reporter: About Falungong.
Police: Show me your press card and reporter's permit.
Reporter: Here you are.
Police: What news are you permitted to cover?
Reporter: The Olympic Games.
Police: But Falungong has nothing to do with the games.
Reporter: What does that matter?
Police: It's beyond the permit.
Reporter: What permit?
Police: You're a sports reporter. You should only cover the games.
Reporter: But I'm interested in Falungong.
Police: It's beyond the limit of your coverage and illegal. As a foreign reporter in China, you should obey China law and do nothing against your status.
Reporter: Oh, I see. May I go now?
Police: No. Come with us (to the Administration Division of Entry and Exit of Beijing Municipal Public Security Bureau).
Reporter: What for?
Police: To clear up this matter.

Read part 2.
Part 3

Language Barriers

Last night I was in Shekou for the second seder. It started much later than I expected. I had the opportunity to attempt to speak with H. as we waited for others to arrive. The rabbi and another Israeli had stepped outside to talk in Hebrew (another language I don't understand). The problem I had was H. is from Colombia and I haven't had a Spanish class in almost 8 years. I did prepare for this though--I've been watching The Simpsons with Spanish subtitles. Anyway, I came to the conclusion that I can remember a fair amount of Spanish vocabulary--it's the verb conjugations I tend to forget; especially the past tense. The other problem I kept encountering was that I would use Chinese pronouns most of the time. The entire conversation we had was a mixture of three languages.

Fortunately, H.'s English skills are about as good as my Spanish skills; unfortunately, neither of us is very good in Chinese. I think I came away with saying, "我 necesito trabajo more." I think I'm just inept in three languages.

War on Words

This is a little sickening... probably because I'm an editor. Most people I'm sure don't care much about this, but I do. I keep hearing about the disaster of Hurricane Katrina. It's terrible. It's a tragedy. But why must people call it "a terrible tragedy"? A tragedy is terrible in its own right. It is simply redundant to say terrible tragedy. Please cease this redundancy.