Dangerous Dates, continued

In response to a couple comments on the previous post about the sort-of-secret relationship Jia and I had during my first year in Shenzhen, I've decided to add to the story.

I spent most of the first summer living in the school apartment, which was also the storage space for the few returning teachers. All the other apartments were filled for a month with visiting Americans who were working at the summer camp in the unbearable Shenzhen summer. Jia worked six days a week, often until after 8pm, which meant I didn't see much of her. I spent plenty of time sitting in my air conditioned room, having a few beers in an air conditioned restaurant, or wandering through air conditioned shopping centers. I also continued studying Chinese in preparation for my parents' visit in August.

Part of my summer plan was to introduce my parents to Jia. Since Jia and her mom wanted to spend their brief summer holiday in Xinjiang, I planned for a few days in Urumqi. The other foreign teachers asked if I was going to meet Jia on my vacation since they all knew she was from Xinjiang. I figured there was no harm in admitting that we were at least friends (sooner or later they'd find out about our relationship).

As some of the teachers were leaving Shenzhen after their year at the school, we celebrated their departure. A few of the more gossipy foreigners loved to discuss our co-workers' love lives--and, of course, it came to me. Seeing as they were leaving, it was safe to let them in on my little secret. They weren't surprised--and one of them was fairly certain there was something going on between Jia and me because she kept running into us at odd times.

By the time the new term started, Jia agreed that it was safe to tell the foreign teachers about our relationship as long as they knew it couldn't get back to the Chinese supervisors. There were also two Chinese co-workers who were kept our relationship secret from the rest of the staff.

Dangerous Dates

I recently came across a few blog posts about dating in China--in particular, one at ShanghaiShiok caught my attention. And I realized I never wrote about my experience of dating Jia (though I use the term "date" loosely).

Jia and I began our relationship as co-workers and friends. She took it upon herself to plan a few weekend excursions around Shenzhen with Winnipeg and me. Of course, office gossip caught up with our friendly relationship--oddly enough, I wasn't the foreigner mentioned in the gossip.

By the time our relationship turned romantic (about a month after my arrival in China), we decided to keep things quiet. It sounded like a good idea, as I didn't know where it might lead. A month later it was apparent that we made the right decision to keep it quiet--Jia's boss warned her about hanging around foreigners. In a staff meeting for our Chinese colleagues, the boss made some veiled threats of termination if the Chinese staff spent time with the foreign staff outside school-approved activities. Not wanting to end our relationship, Jia and I kept it a secret.

We casually met at the bus stop, avoiding anyone we might know, and pretended that it was a coincidence that we were taking the same bus to other parts of Shenzhen. Somehow, we turned these chance meetings into dates, even though I had to fight with Jia to pay the bill at restaurants. She always found a way of either paying for part of a meal or paying for something else to even things out between us.

The most difficult part of our quiet relationship was explaining my travels. I took some impressive trips that first year, and had to claim that I took them alone (as well as hiding photos with Jia while using the school computers to email home).

We maintained our secret for the first seven months, though a few of the foreign staff guessed there was something going on (in particular, the foreign couple we kept running into late at night, which forced me to make up some lame excuses). Even after the summer, our relationship was kept quiet from the Chinese staff--even the other foreign teachers knew not to mention it.

The Jumble

I've been a little busy lately--though not as busy as I'd like to be. I feel like I'm going in quite a few directions--sort of like this tree I came across in Penang (does anyone know what it's called?).
Not sure why I didn't mention this on here earlier, but I finished putting together Terracotta Typewriter #3. This issue is pretty heavy on prose and light on poetry--I hope to even that out for the future. So, now I have to begin working on issue #4 and get back to updating the blog on the site more regularly.

I also published an article on healthcare (a rather sore subject here in the US) at Freelance Writing Jobs. And it looks like I'll be doing a little travel writing in the near future. I hope all this writing gets me into a better groove to work more efficiently on my novels and stories.

Turning Leaves

More than just the leaves are turning in New Jersey. Jia and I have changed a bit--or rather our perceptions have.

In China I always seemed to be taking pointless photos and staring at the mundane, which were sometimes fascinating to me as an outsider. Now, it's Jia's turn.

It never occurred to me how beautiful autumn in the northeastern U.S. could be for someone who never experienced it. Sure, her hometown in Xinjiang had the changes in seasons, but the leaves didn't change to such colors (apparently, the leaves just change to brown and fall). For the last couple weeks, she has been in awe of the fall colors around Jersey City, which doesn't really have a lot of fall foliage. Today, I took her back to my parents' house, and she took almost a hundred photos from around the lake.

But it's more than just the changing colors of the season. We had dinner with some of her new friends (also Chinese immigrants). The dinner conversation came to an interesting point when they were discussing waiguoren. One of them commented that it took a while to realize that she couldn't call people waiguoren anymore because they were the residents and she is now the foreigner. So, she now has to refer to the non-Chinese she encounters at Meiguoren (Americans).

There were many other interesting conversations about living in the U.S., but I couldn't catch all of it in Chinese--though I did realize that my listening skills are pretty good, and I understood quite a bit of the conversations.

Moving On...

Jia and I are moving closer to New York City. This means we have to pack up our stuff. You never know how much stuff you have until you have to move. It's not that we have a lot of stuff, just a lot of little things that need to go in boxes or bags.

Someday I'll fix this problem by either buying a teleportation device or dumping all of my stuff in the middle of a field and building a house around it.

Anyway, I may not post much for next week as we get everything together (who knows when I'll have a home internet connection).

American Lifestyle

...with Chinese characteristics.

Jia has grown accustomed to the American way of life. She still has trouble with driving, but she's learning. Recently she discovered the wonder that is the garage sale. She has become so enthusiastic about this part of America that she even checks out Craigslist for a list of places to go.

As we are collecting stuff for our new apartment, we're trying to find anything decent at the garage sales around town. Yesterday we got lucky with a microwave and new toaster oven for $5. This gets added to the 100-year-old dresser we found getting thrown out (it's heavy and only needed one drawer fixed) and numerous picture frames (because Jia loves hanging up photos). She is fascinated by what Americans get rid of--especially when they're selling new items.

Adjustments

Jia has now been in the states for a little more than three months. Everyone has been asking how she's adjusting to life here (of course, they asked similar questions when she visited for the first time last year).

I'll admit that it hasn't been easy, but my wife is adjusting to the differences of life in the US. Of course, the process would be easier if we had full-time jobs and our own place to live--with any luck that'll change soon. Fortunately, we have the support of my family.

One of the biggest adjustments for Jia has been that she's learning to drive. She took a few weeks to review the New Jersey driver's guide (I made her read it in English instead of getting the Chinese edition), and she passed the written test easily. Practicing driving is another story--just because you know the rules doesn't mean you know how to operate a vehicle. I signed her up for lessons, but those weren't quite enough. She admitted that she expects things to jump out from the side of the road, and she's surprised when other drivers follow the laws and actually understand the right of way. Traffic doesn't run the same as it does in Shenzhen.

What she enjoys most about living here is the amount of green she sees. My hometown is fairly small and there are some wealthy neighborhoods nearby--and plenty of small parks. And she certainly liked our short hike through the Delaware Water Gap last week. Though she is frightened by the number of black bears we've encountered--one was a little more interested in eat garbage when she went out for a walk on her own.

She's also enjoying the food here. We have a great Asian market where she can get the ingredients she needs to cook (and she's learning to cook quite well). Plus, I've been introducing her to foods that were extremely difficult to find in Shenzhen. Jia keeps wondering why these foods don't exist in China. For some reason she now wants me to introduce her to American junk food (like Drake's cakes). And yet, we've both lost weight since moving here--part of that is due to our regular visits to the gym.

I just hope she continues to enjoy her time in the states. And I hope we can move somewhere that will make it easy for us to go without driving much--I think we'd do pretty well with just biking around a place like Jersey City.

This is Monday

This Monday morning came with a few surprises--some welcome, some not.

I began with the regular Monday meeting at the university. We discussed some ideas I had for changing the PhD course slightly. My colleague also had a few suggestions to add. Unlike other schools in China, our recommendations were met with enthusiasm. My boss is looking to make these changes for the spring term, which I won't be around for. Still, it's nice to have my input considered and accepted.

My boss also asked if I was still having second thoughts about returning to the states in March. I admitted that I was as there aren't many publishing jobs out there and I may have to try teaching at a private school to support my family. I also mentioned that if things don't work out, Jia and I may return to China next fall. My boss' reply was that she'd find a job for me with the university if I came back to Shenzhen. Again, it's always great to feel welcome at work.

Finally, Jia called me about the package we tried shipping yesterday. Turns out, there were some items that can't be shipped from Shenzhen to Hong Kong and on to the US. We got a refund, but we have to repack and rethink.

The items that could not be shipped and reasons given:

1. Chinese version of Monopoly purchased in Hong Kong because the dice and Monopoly money could be used for gambling in Hong Kong.
2. A Buddhist cloth and texts because religion can't be exported.
3. Some miniature replica terracotta warriors because they might be valuable antiques and thus the property of the People's Republic of China.
4. A Chinese name stamp (no reason given for why that can't be shipped).
5. A miniature Statue of Liberty purchased at Chen's College Folk Art Museum in Guangzhou (again, no reason given).
   

To the Root

It's been a painful week here in south China. First, I've had a cold since about Thanksgiving--I'm almost recovered, but it's just lingering. And that lingering feeling tends to be quite common among what would otherwise be common ailments in China.

To top off my uncomfortable situation, Jia is in even more pain. Over the last year, she has had problems with her wisdom teeth, which haven't fully grown in. Today she decided to have one of them pulled--the other three will be extracted in the coming weeks. I have no idea what the painkillers are that they gave her, but it doesn't look like the codeine they gave me for a minor ear infection a while back.

On the lighter side of things, I have begun a new Web site on a domain I purchased a couple months back and have hosted on a friend's server. I will post an update on it and its contents when I can get the design down a bit better. Until then, you'll have to wonder what it could be (and no, it's not just a new host for this blog).

The End Is Near

I told my boss I resigned. Though it won't actually be until March that I leave--I gave some reassurances.

As some of my readers know, Jia was given an immigrant visa for the US last month. The visa is only valid for six months, so she has to travel to my hometown before mid-April. This was a bit of a surprise as we just began the application process at the end of July (the consulate Web site said to expect the process to take up to a year). I signed a new contract with the university last summer because I didn't expect my wife to get her visa until next summer, when my contract would end.

Fortunately, my boss is taking it well and understands the situation. I've even offered to help as much as I can in finding a replacement. I find it slightly depressing that I'll leave a job that has treated me so well--I doubt I'll have such luck finding another boss as nice as this one.

After three years in China, I can finally say that I know when I'm going home--and it feels awkward. Aside from my hometown, this is the longest I've stayed in one place. I may not like Shenzhen, but it is still my home of the past three years and there is a strange connection that I have made with it.

Now I have to face the difficulty of moving to the US and finding work in the midst of a recession, while helping my wife cope with a new life (though I think she's better prepared than I am). I have confidence that Jia can find work as a teacher; I'm still busy finding the best city to improve my chances of gainful employment.

I'm looking forward to seeing my friends and family again, but I will miss the friends and pseudo-family I have here. Until I leave, I'll have to seek out some new adventures in the city I will leave behind.

Farewell my private office.

Country Living

One of the great things about taking a trip to the countryside, besides relaxing in nature, is watching the way of life. For the Hakka people in Fujian, it's not much different from years past. Many in the tourist-friendly villages now have satellite dishes, TVs, and other modern amenities, but they still have a lot of traditional ways, especially when it comes to farming.


Many of the tulou in Fujian had older tools and machinery around--some of it was for the tourists' benefit, but others were still in use. Unfortunately, the ones I took pictures of were not being used at the time, so I'm not entirely sure what they're for. I would guess most of their tools would be used for rice, as it takes up more than half their farm land.
I thought this shot was interesting because of the generations all together preparing the tea leaves.

Since most of the Hakka diets consist of rice, vegetables, eggs, and chicken, there is little meat in their food. Only some villages have land that can support water buffalo or other anmials--many of the villages are on mountainsides. At the first village we entered, there was a man on a motorcycle delivering pork to the families. He cut the meat on a wood board on the back of the motorcycle and weighed it with a rather old measuring tool. With the customers surrounding him, this was the best picture I could get.

Lost Suggestions

Jia showed me a short Chinese music video today because it had some beautiful scenes from Inner Mongolia. My wife's comment was that she thought we should visit the northern countryside because she liked the plains and mountains.

I agreed with Jia's suggestion--I do want to visit Inner Mongolia (or even the country, Mongolia). In fact, I mentioned traveling there when we were contemplating our options for the summer holiday. Her opinion of the region at that time was that there was nothing there and it would be boring.

Funny how my ideas don't mean anything until my wife expresses the very same without any recognition of my previous mention.

No Soup for You

I arrived home Friday afternoon to my mother-in-law introducing me to two turtles that were inhabiting my bathroom floor. I was definitely a bit surprised. Later, my wife translated the reasoning--my mother-in-law was told by a monk* on the street that he would take the turtles to a pond at a Buddhist temple if she bought them. I was quite relieved to hear she wasn't planning on cooking them (though I doubted that when I first saw the turtles).

As of Monday, we have a little fish tank for the two reptiles sitting on the balcony. I'm not sure if my mother-in-law is still looking for that monk. Jia says she found a local Buddhist organization that would take care of the turtles, but I haven't heard anything about that since Friday.
I just hope that they end up in a pond that's clean and not overcrowded like the one in Guangxiao Temple in Guangzhou. It looks like the monks are practicing turtle stacking there.

*There are quite a few fake monks in Shenzhen that go around asking people for money for their temples. Usually these "monks" are seen talking on cell phones and wearing sneakers. We've even seen a few eating meat.

Rough Expat Times

Today I was reminded of the most difficult part of being an expat. My grandfather passed away. Coping with death is the worst part of living abroad. Nothing can wait for you while you live on the other side of the earth.

This is the second time I've had a death in the family since I arrived in China. The last time was at the end of my first month here and I received the news via e-mail. At least today my parents were able to call and wake me up.

I'll have to hold my own memorial with my wife here. She was fortunate enough to meet my grandfather during our vacation. Now she's trying to anything she can to make me feel better--and that's not an easy task. I just wish it was easier to travel.

Perfect Game

Welcome to the Waiguoren's 300th post.

My goal today is start to make a difference. I'm asking my readers to consider their lives and the lives of others. I'm also asking that anyone who has a worthwhile cause (i.e. non-profit organizations, NGOs) to please send me information. I'm offering free space for any and all worthwhile causes--I'll even offer my time to help in any way I can.

One of the difficulties of living in China is the inability to do the right thing at times. I've been told many times not to help people because it will only bring trouble to me. I've had a hard time with this. My wife and I have even tried to help at an orphanage here in Shenzhen, but we were denied because we're individuals, not a corporation (I'm still confused by that one).

On Passover, Jews around the world are supposed to retell the story of Exodus and rejoice in their freedom from slavery. But, this is also a time to reflect on the meaning in the modern world--to see the suffering of others and do what we can to help. Most people will watch horrific images on TV and say, "That's terrible," as they return to their meals and live their comfortable lives. Others will see the problem and try to donate money in the hopes of solving the problem. This just isn't enough.

It shouldn't take a holiday for us to consider the suffering of others throughout the world. We should always be grateful for what we have and consider the impact that our lives can have. There are plenty of people who are in dire need to assistance from those of us fortunate enough to have the basic necessities of life.

So, now I'm taking this opportunity to do the right thing and serve humanity. I hope you'll all help as well.

Can you set the oven to cold?

It's just a bunch of little things going on lately. We bought the air purifier last night to help us fight the pollution and mold. It's a Yadu (Chinese brand that's supposedly good). We got a real warranty to go along with it just in case. The service at Suning was pretty good--probably because it's been open for quite a while and never has anyone buying anything because the building is still under construction. We could've bought the same thing from Jusco a day earlier, but we didn't like the fact their employees couldn't answer a single question.

Unlike last week, it's starting to get really hot...and my school won't turn on the air conditioning until May. Even the Chinese staff thinks this is a little ridiculous. I'll have to suffer through teaching in a hot room for a few more weeks.

On another Jusco note, I'm still mourning the loss of my beer. It's been at least six weeks since they last carried that sweet dark beer by Asahi. We wrote a complaint and they claimed there was a problem with Asahi not being able to supply enough. Supposedly they'll get it again. This being China, I won't hold my breath.

I'm rather bored at home until I start work at the end of the month. It's really cramping my creativity and making me lazy (more so than usual). At least I managed to send out some of my work to publications--I should hear back by the time I forget I submitted anything.

Last night I decided I had to get out of the apartment. Jia was working late and I had nothing else to do. I sat by my computer and opened up my HSK book from last year (the one I could barely read after using it to study for a few months). I was surprised I could read a fair amount of it. This gave me enough motivation to head out to one of the small restaurants for a beer and studying. I found a nice Sichuan restaurant just outside the gate--it's quiet and the staff was friendly even though I wasn't ordering food. They even have a nice little deal of buy three beers, get one free (that'll probably cause some problems when friends return to Shenzhen). Anyway, I can definitely say that my reading ability is now much stronger than my speaking. I can understand a decent amount of what people say to me; I just have trouble responding. However, give me something to read, and I can probably translate quite a bit of it. I now know about 300 characters and a whole lot of combinations of those. I still have a long way to go if I ever want to reach my goal of reading a Chinese newspaper. I also have to improve so that I can start translating my friend's poetry (Jia says he's a good poet).

A few things

First the news: I signed my new contract for the fall. I will officially be professor of academic writing for graduate students (MSc and PhD). I'm quite happy with the teaching hours, contract, and the fact that the Chinese staff in the office speak great English. They also have a school bus that stops right outside my new apartment so I don't have to spend an hour every morning getting to work on the public bus.

The government is being a bit of a pain in the ass about marriage. Jia isn't from Shenzhen, which makes things a little more complicated. Apparently, my marriagability affidavit from the U.S. Consulate isn't enough for the Chinese government. They need this pointless piece of paper notarized--which should cost about 500 yuan. Of course, the notary is being a lazy (censored by multiple governments). I need to provide a whole load of proof that I live in Shenzhen and that I will continue to live in Shenzhen. How does this make him an "international" notary? What about business people who need documents but aren't residents?

Then there's that lovely (note sarcasm) school that Jia is leaving. They are now telling her that she can't quit until July 8 or she has to forfeit THREE months salary. Unfortunately, they never gave her a copy of the contract for her to keep. That means that the contract means nothing and will not hold up in court. Nice to see that they do things legally around here. She'll try to be polite about the situation and explain her intentions to the headmaster. I'm not optimistic on this one. I'm ready to call a lawyer because I know they are wrong.

And there is no photo for this week because I don't feel like searching through the thousands of files to pick a nice one. Don't cry, it'll be ok.

Wrong Foot

This was not how I imagined the beginning of the new year of teaching at Tsinghua Experimental School in Shenzhen in China.
At the beginning of summer vacation, I was told that there would only be one apartment available for continuing staff. Fortunately, I was the only one staying for the summer. I took over a friend's apartment because he had Internet access that I could use. At the end of the summer I was supposed to move to room 617. As it turns out, there's a problem: the room smells like a sewage dump. So, I get 615. More problems there. Now I'm told I will not get a larger fridge to store all my food for cooking. Not only that, I don't get bed sheets or a quilt. Why? Well, they neglected to tell me to keep the sheets and quilt that I was provided last year. That was all I'm supposed to get. Thanks for telling me--I could've used that memo two months ago! Now I'm in the battle to get the school to pay for my new sheets because, as I see it, it was due to their own negligence that I don't have any. Until they pay for this necessity, I will call as often as possible with any little problem I have that I may be able to fix myself.

PHONE!

Wow, I actually have a working phone now. It was dead for the first 12 days here in China. They sent someone to fix it three times. Apparently it needed four times to actually get fixed. Of course, now I have to figure out what time I can call family and friends since I'm 13 hours ahead of everyone back home.